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Post by Kyle West on Feb 3, 2013 17:46:29 GMT
I think it's safe to say that in absolutely no way did Doctor Who inspire the writing style of SAFE
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Post by Tom East on Feb 13, 2013 14:56:48 GMT
1x01 - "How Everything Went To Shit" Review
I previously read this episode when you pitched the show to the admin staff so this readthrough was more of a refresher than a new experience but I enjoyed it just as much as I did the first time around. Thematically it's not really my type of show - I'm more inclined towards shows that are still dark but have a light-heartedness around them, like Dead City Blues or even Caydem Falls. Still, even my personal tastes can't deny that it's a well written episode and sets up a fair few mysteries. Why has Jason put himself in this situation? Why did he kill Rover?
What I really liked was how realistic the premise is. As we saw just last year (it was last year, right?) Britain can be reduced to rioting fairly easily if a group of people get upset over something and others join in. The image of a thirteen year old boy being pushed into a packed prison cell was chilling and just subtle enough.
Going off the discussion about how to format a script, I really like how this is laid out with the black title pages with white text, clearly reflecting the show's gritty image. It's a nice touch. I really liked the large headlines too, just enough to catch the eye without being too obnoxious. The Union Flag background for the TEN logo was also very awesome.
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Post by Kyle West on Feb 15, 2013 0:37:29 GMT
Yeh, that logo is great ain't it? Thanks for the comments, Tom - glad you enjoyed, even on second reading. Looks like all the right things stood out for you, so I look forward to seeing what you make of the rest of the show.
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Tony O'Black
Evolution Participants
Writer. Reader. Lover. Chicken, mostly.
Posts: 60
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Post by Tony O'Black on Feb 28, 2013 6:51:11 GMT
Here we go then Kyle.
1x01:
I've been looking forward to getting into Kyle West's first original work I've read for some time, with Stay Away From England riding the wave of webisode popularity to deliver a starkly fascinating premise, one with masses of potential. On the evidence of 'How Everything Went to Shit' we're dealing with a blackly comic action show here, which I suspect might be right up my twisted little alley... yet I came away feeling like I was watching a trailer almost for a project that sorely deserves much greater depth.
I mean in around 8 pages of concrete writing, West throws at us a complete political and social revolution in the UK, touching on a number of concepts and themes, but they're so quickly scooted over I found myself disappointed we couldn't learn more. Credit to West for getting right into the journey of his lead Jason Cone, opening with quite a stark action by the man that lightly gets into a character West doesn't have time to really explore yet, given the expository and scene setting nature of this opener, but he's already interesting. West writes with a nice flow, a laid back sense of economy, but a distinctive voice for the show - much like depth and character work - are hard to establish by how he structures this opener, though I'm confident that'll develop over the run.
A good start therefore to a highly promising concept, one West introduces in more of a prologue way, setting the scene, but I was left clear about the world we're in and very interested to find out where Jason goes from here.
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Post by Kyle West on Feb 28, 2013 8:30:03 GMT
I'll take that!
Thanks for reading, Tony. Hope you're finding the rest of the episodes as interesting as this one? Certainly was a tricky beast, this first one. I think you'll see in the remaining episodes that the focus switches more to an exploration of Jason and those around him, and a little less about the politely spectrum of this pretty messed up country.
Looking forward to your thoughts on the rest of the show!
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Post by Tom East on Feb 28, 2013 17:55:01 GMT
1x02 - "Why Shouldn't I Just Shoot You?" Review
Not gonna be much of a review here because I'm not really sure what to say other than that it was good. Alice is a fun character although I would have liked a bit of description on her appearance. Her attitude came across enough but I didn't get any idea about what she looked like and checked the first episode to see if she'd already been introduced when she hadn't. Story-wise, it seemed a bit odd to me that Rover and his gang would pick up Jason and take him back to their place, forcing them to keep him on rather than just shooting him in the head if he was in army uniform. Obviously he needs to be in Rover's gang for the story to advance, just seemed a little odd to me.
It's a well written script though and the characters have all got distinctive voices, it's just not really my sort of thing. I'm not one for 'serious' gritty drama so whilst I can respect it's a good script and a good story behind it, I'm not totally hooked but that's down to my personal preferences than anything on your end.
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Trix
New Reader
Posts: 16
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Post by Trix on Mar 1, 2013 14:43:00 GMT
Gave this a read a little bit ago so put down a few thoughts for you.
Can't say I'm at all enamoured with the show. It kicks off with a few things I'm usually not a fan of in voice-overs and In media Res.
The first webisode is a whole lot of information being thrown at the reader just to get them caught up on what's happened and really is it stuff we need to know? We could do with knowing that the country has gone to hell and that the Government, or whatever is left of it, is trying to seize back control but the rest is not necessary. You want to hook the reader in to continuing on with the reading and I don't really think webisode one does that.
The only reason I read on was so I could review comprehensively the first "part" in the way you released it.
I feel like you could have just removed the scene of him shooting the guy and everything would still be the same. You could cover how things "went to shit" but without it feeling a bit like we're just waiting to get back to that point in the story.
I realise though that seeing Jason kill someone right at the beginning and then flashing back to a time where he says he's never killed anyone shows that he's come some way from what he claims to be when he first joins the gang.
At least by the end of the section we get some kind of answer as to what happened at the start of the script but it seems a bit silly for the small amount of information revealed.
Ignoring that part of it though the group of webisodes is put together well enough. The characters are easy enough to distinguish between and there aren't too many to bog down the story. I'm not a fan of all the swearing and adult scenes as I always find it a bit jarring to read in script form. I can see though that you are trying to show a gritty world that's been turned upside down and to some extent you manage that well.
Overall this isn't really my cup of tea. I do like the basic idea and story that you want to tell but it just hasn't really come together in a way that I find totally enjoyable. I think it could have benefited from not being bogged down at the start with the flashbacks so going forward I might find my enjoyment is higher than at the moment. I probably will read the future installment to see whether that's the case or not.
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Tony O'Black
Evolution Participants
Writer. Reader. Lover. Chicken, mostly.
Posts: 60
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Post by Tony O'Black on Mar 2, 2013 9:34:42 GMT
1x02 - Why Shouldn't I Just Shoot You?
Quite an interesting narrative structure is already being employed by Kyle West on Stay Away From England, which becomes clear coming into this second episode; straight away we pick up on Jason's story as he's drawn into the world of Nicholas Rover, a man we of course saw Jason shoot dead in the opening scene of the show. Right now, we're exclusively in flashback territory and I'll be very curious to see if West plays the entire run that way, book ending his first sequence with the very beginning. It's a novel approach, though one of course that has a key detriment - we know Rover WONT shoot our boy.
It's actually quite a well played continued introduction into Jason's situation, but worryingly there already seems to be more character on the bones of Rover and Alice Sutton, a rather tough talking, beguiling femme rapidly thrown into the equation. Right now, Jason feels like a blank slate and West leads us a little too heavily in his direction at times to make a few points about Jason we should be picking up in his characterisation. This goes back to my continued feeling that West has a full blown show he's not doing any favours condensing into the short but sweet webisode format. It's nicely hard edged and dystopic so far, but there's a much bigger world situation I hope West finds time to explore.
Not quite as strong as the opener then, but sets up a few more important characters and hints at a promising development or two to come.
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Tony O'Black
Evolution Participants
Writer. Reader. Lover. Chicken, mostly.
Posts: 60
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Post by Tony O'Black on Mar 3, 2013 11:55:50 GMT
1x03 - Don't Fuck With Rover
It’s becoming clear that Kyle West is indeed constructing his first run to build around Nicholas Rover’s ultimate demise, and it’s an intriguing way of approaching the concept. On the one hand, knowing Jason kills Rover dilutes some of the tension, but on the other it helps paint an intriguing picture of ‘why’ Jason ultimately does this - and ‘Don’t Fuck With Rover’ certainly is likely to be a major reason as to that ‘why’, given the test Jason faces at the heart of this, while sees West finally start to develop who remains a very bland lead unfortunately.
The choice at the centre of this is a story as old as time - kill or be killed, Jason forced to murder a man in cold blood to keep in with Rover. West paints a nice ambiguity with this, given how effortlessly Jason shoots the Scummer in the head - is he suggesting Jason is a trained soldier in the middle of a war zone, accepting there will be casualties? Or is there something ever so slightly psychopathic going on there? Alice reckons he hesitated, but it didn’t seem like he did. Frankly if West does play that card with Jason, it’ll make him far more interesting than the stock guy he’s been so far - reacting to his situation than the other way around. I drove my score up half a noch here for the world-building elements West gave us, that are needed to deepen the idea - the Scummer, the Dragons, the idea of multiple fiefdoms almost now in the UK, are very intriguing and ripe for exploration.
Better than the previous one, then, with a moral & psychological question hanging over Jason, a good central point of conflict, and some trickling surrounding world-building.
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Post by Kyle West on Mar 3, 2013 12:59:36 GMT
1x02 - "Why Shouldn't I Just Shoot You?" ReviewNot gonna be much of a review here because I'm not really sure what to say other than that it was good. Alice is a fun character although I would have liked a bit of description on her appearance. Her attitude came across enough but I didn't get any idea about what she looked like and checked the first episode to see if she'd already been introduced when she hadn't. Not a deliberate move to leave her description minimal, though I would say that attitude toward this kind of thing seems to vary from person to person in the online VS community. Some people complain if the writer paints too clear a picture of how someone looks, whilst others aren't happy if the writer leaves things too bare. Hard balance to maintain, and whilst I used to very much be of the former group, I'm starting to veer towards the latter now I think. But, with that said, I'd like to think that the work done with Alice in some later parts of this volume will help you create a better image of her A fair statement. Later episodes establish the size of Rover's domain, which might help justify to you why Rover would have him brought back to his home. Plus, yeah he wonders if he's a spy, but at the same time, these guys haven't actually come across any british military for bloody ages so I think truthfully Rover didn't believe Jason was with the army regardless of what he was wearing. I'm actually surprised by the people who are enjoying this, and the people who aren't. I always knew this was going to play to a different crowd from my other material, but then that's part of the fun. I would say though, keep at it, and let me know what you think by the end of it. I can't promise that the show gets any less violent, and that the language gets softened, but I'm happy with the story told here and would be very interested in your thoughts even if you ultimately choose to tune out after Volume 1
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